I Hope You Went Home

Dedicated to:  Marisel Zayas

I hope you went home Brother

And left nothing undone

All quarrels and sorrows behind you

Gladness only those things sought.

I hope you went home Brother

And met with Mom and your Dad

Hey and even mine.

And Nano and Lillian 

and Victor please find.

I hope you went home Brother

And bathe in salvation’s light

And slowly remember how it felt

To breathe without bind.

I hope you went home Brother

And are patiently waiting for us, the rest

Your wait shall be peaceful

Not like the battle you met.

But do know big Brother

That a lesson you taught

Because in enduring such pain

a soldier was forged.

So don’t dilly daddle

In awe of the clouds

And enter sweet heaven

And receive your crown.

Edwin Zayas Rivera

04/05/1955 - 12/11/2020. RIP

Start Walking Together

In one of our many conversations, which by the way I adore, you asked, "How do I take care of a woman?"  The feminist in me wanted to scream "There is no need, women can take care of themselves!" but the sensible woman in search of love connected with your concern.  This simple and otherwise unassuming question touched my heart and inspired me to write this open letter to you.  The question encapsulates the role that you wish to play in my life.  That of protector and provider.  A very masculine characteristic.  And I get that.  I will attempt to answer your question, the best way I know how.   I will try to paint you a landscape with gentle paths in the hopes that it may lead us into peaceful and loving destinations.  I chose to pour my heart out to you in words.  As we start walking together in this heartfelt journey.

I don't mind questions.  It shows that you are interested in knowing me.  I detest when people assume they know you without taking the time to get to know who you actually are.  In skipping the process of courting, the assessment made is based more on conclusions arrived with a past experience, rather than the person in front of you.  And that is not fair to anyone.  We should be seeking and looking forward to so many first encounters tailored specifically to us.

And with that in mind, I want you to know that I asked God for three specific attributes in my future husband:

1. That he be God fearing.  A God fearing man knows the meaning of true love.  God has specific instructions when it comes to how a man is to treat his mate.  He is to love, honor, respect and protect his wife.  I want all of those.

2. That he be kind.  Kindness involves so much more than just the act of being kind.  It involves patience and selflessness and devotion.

3. And that he be of a Generous Spirit.  Generous of his Time.  Generous with his Laughter and his Affection.

I believe that a man should be present.  Present in the moment, in mind and heart.  Available when I need to run something by him.  Not because I lack the skill to make a decision, but because I value his input.  Opinions are like little windows that allow a peek into the heart and speaks volumes about one's character.  Which in turn allows me to better assess intentions.

I believe women should express themselves freely and openly so that each partner understands what the other expects in a relationship.  Communication between the sexes is so important and smooths the way into a harmonious existence.   Men need to know that they are enough.  Women that they are safe.

As a general practice, include me in your everyday.  Make me feel that I am part of your world and your life.  Let me know that you are thinking of me, in little ways.  In subtle ways.  I, in turn, will do the same.  Perhaps you have come to the conclusion, as I have, that this walking together is a job for the both of us.  And in seeking to understand how to take care of your woman, you are assuring the happiness of the one who will gladly care for you.

For Dave

The Empanada Club

So, I have become just a little bit famous in my corner of the world for making beef empanadas.  My friends love them.  Whether they are co-workers or regular everyday friends.  They love my empanadas.  Empanadas are dough discs filled with just about anything you want to put in them.  Beef, chicken or pork.  Heck, it doesn't have to be meat at all.  You can turn an empanada into a pastry by simply substituting your savory meats with guava and cream cheese.  Yum!!!   When ready,  place your filling in the middle, fold it, seal it and wala!!!   They can be deep fried, baked or utilize an air fryer.  You have something so delicious, yet so simple!!!  But don't tell anyone!!!  It's our little secret!!!

On Tuesday, I happen to mention to my small circle of dear girl friends that I was making empanadas the next day and that bit of information turned into an impromptu get together.  They came over, we joked and laughed.  There was wine and we let our hair down.  I love this particular group of women.  The youngest in her late 30's the oldest in her sixties, yet we all find common ground when we get together.  I don't know what it is and it really doesn't matter.  The only thing that does matter is that we enjoy and uplift each other.  There is respect and safety among us.  Respect for who we are and the validation of our feelings; no matter how mundane we might perceive our feelings to be.  Safety in knowing that what is discussed and shared will remain confidential; and more importantly not minimized or belittled.  That is so important in cultivating trust.

I made hummus, which was a big hit.  Spicy of course!!!  And a dilemma arose when the garbanzo beans had a tough outer shell which needed to be peeled.  The atmosphere was as if we were back to a time when women would divide the work and make great things happen, like sow a quilt or weave a rug.  Those were times when women gathered happily and bonded.  I told Nell that the outer shell was a called a cousin.  She thought that was actually a thing.  We busted out laughing when the gig was up and Sherry, mischievous Sherry, started calling the garbanzo shells primos (Spanish for cousin)!!!  You just had to be there!!! 

Later, much later, Erica showed up and simply fell in love with Nico.  Oh, wait, I didn't tell you about Nico.  Well, earlier in the day, I was on my way to a doctors' appointment and was stopped at a red light and this itty bitty white fluff of a dog was dodging under the cars in front of me.  Fortunately, I had not had time to eat my breakfast that morning so I took it with me.  Well, Nico ended up eating my breakfast.  That was what I used to entice him to come to me and eventually into the car.  I am now the proud owner of an unknown breed of an itty bitty white fluff of a dog named Nico!!  Now, back to Erica, she fell in love with my doggie.   She calls him, her doggie.  It's so cute really.  I have a feeling Nico has three instant aunties on duty.

Some how while stuffing ourselves with empanadas and the chatter and the laughter and the dog running around; we decided to call ourselves The Empanada Club.  I was inspired to put to ink our adventures and to officially inform the world that there is such a thing as a sisterhood, women who share no other bond but the appreciation of joyful moments spent in each other's company and that, ladies and gentlemen, is more than enough for us.  Well done empanaditas.  Well done.

Check Mate

I understand giving God His due 
and putting Him first, in all that you do.
And Mama can not be forgotten,
I would never dream of demanding for me,
your precious time with her.

Brothers and cousins, have always been there.
My entrance into your picture has only seconds,
in the gran scheme, if measured.
Understandably, I patiently wait, to see if you dare.
And conclude, I am last in your pile full of cares.

You worry and fret and live in the past.
Claiming not to have felt God in a while.
Not once giving value to the blessings before you.
While you move me further down
on your list of insignificance.
The familiarity of dread seeping into my soul
is my trumpet and wake up call.

Take a deep breath.
You over played your hand.
God got this.